How do you relax as a parent? How do you not freak out about every little thing? This question comes with major rhetorical undertones, FYI. Every parent is different, but I'm a proverbial mess.
If you have been around Andrey you have been asked (by both Nate and me (and yes, I was supposed to use "me" not "I" there)) to sanitize and then wash your hands. You will have also noticed that minor panic attacks ensue when she is running 15 minutes past her nap time. Or if you sleep with me, you will see that OCD kicks in when I check my video monitor 12 times to make sure she's okay, it's charging and the volume is on, all before I can turn my light off. It's exhausting.
In my own defense she hasn't been sick yet, she naps well and sleeps through the night and is completely unaware that I'm crazy...so far. If I were my own therapist, which I'm not because that's my mom's job, I'd ask myself "why are you like this, you supermodel you?"
Let me take a crack at it.
On this day, pictured below, the anxiety and excitement began. Will this baby be okay? Will we lose it? What if I fall? Am I going to be a good mother? Please let her have blue eyes...
By the time this picture was taken, we had been through the ringer and were at our wits end. We had been told our girl had a good chance of chromosomal abnormalities, and might not even make it. We were told she might be rushed into surgery after she was born. We were told a lot, none of which came true (PRAISE GOD)! But it increased my natural ability to worry like none other.
Then, when the little squirt decided to come almost 6 weeks early, I was resigned to my fate as a paranoid freak. It's too early! Will she be big enough? What about her lungs? Her cyst?
Shockingly, it turns out that all that worrying didn't add a day to my life. It didn't protect my daughter, or relieve me of my fears. Worry is a waste of time. I don't need to live my life in worry because I have a loving Father who is in charge. I can relax in His arms, and trust in His provision for my life.
Did I just answer my own rhetorical question? Was that a rhetorical question?
Next time I find myself in a panic because some deranged maniac (picture little old lady) dares to touch my little girl's hand, I'll try to remind myself she's okay. And when she misses her nap by 3 minutes, I won't think it's the end of the world. I'll cut down on checking my video monitor. All because I know she can't be protected from everything. I can only do so much. I don't want to live my life, or her life, in fear.
She is safe, the Lord is with her. And He has proven Himself to me over and over again. I can relax and trust in Him.